Monday, January 29, 2007

SAG Awards

The Screen Actors Guild (SAG) awards were presented last night. Weekend #2 of Hollywood rewarding itself for...? I did not watch (it was not broadcast on our cheap cable), but instead spent 20 minutes looking through photos from the event. A few thoughts:

1. Satin does not look good on anyone, unless you can stand throughout. Sleep in a pair of satin pajamas, then look at yourself the next morning. Assuming your hair and makeup look fabulous, would you really want to wear that wrinkled outfit? I didn't think so.

2. Those who were "hits" last week were mostly "hits" this week. Last week's fuglies apparently did not invest in mirrors in the past few days. Of the pictures I saw, I didn't see anything too horrendous.

3. Several of Yahoo's collection of 641 photos from the event included candid party pics from the floor of the theatre. In real life, these are somewhat cheesy photos of friends mugging for the camera. Sometimes they look great, but most of the time at least one participant has his eyes closed, or is looking the other way, or..., or... Alas - every party pic from last night (that I saw) involved beautiful people looking directly at the camera. I wonder what happens to the bad photos.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Thigh highs? Methinks not.

Before I took a shower this morning, I laid out the following items to wear to work: bra, underwear, striped black turtleneck, long black skirt, black slip, black pantyhose, and black flats. Unfortunately, the pantyhose had a run in them, and I did not have another pair of black hose to wear. Rather than put on a pair of suntan-colored hose, I decided to try a pair of thigh highs (TH) I bought a couple months ago in anticipation of needing them to go with a party dress (nothing kinky - just seeking creative solutions to my fat ass in a clingy dress). The THs themselves ended up quite high on my thighs, creating an ugly sausage-casing-and-hail-damage combination not fit for polite company. The skirt, fortunately, is not too form fitting, so the unattractive bumps and bulges were fairly well hidden.

By the time I reached my desk, one TH remained in place, and the other was at mid-thigh. As I walked around the office, they continued to creep lower, and I stepped into the ladies' room to hike them up. Somewhere between my office and the IT department, the right TH became a knee high. Another trip to my mailbox resulted in a not-so-subtle hike up under my desk. By mid-morning, I was content to live with knee highs until lunch. At noon, I took three flights of stairs down to my parking lot. When I stepped out the door, I realized that my THs were now puddled around my ankles and dragging in the slush. I laughed all the way to my car!

So classy. They are in the trash now. I went back to work wearing a frumpy pair of suntan-colored pantyhose.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Word of the Day

Thought this was a good one (from's daily email):

pettifogger \PET-ee-fog-ur\, noun:

1. A petty, unscrupulous lawyer; a shyster.
2. A person who quibbles over trivia.

A more respectable-looking individual was never seen; he really looked what he was, a gentleman of the law -- there was nothing of the pettifogger about him.
-- George Borrow, Lavengro

The nitpickers, the whiners, the pettifoggers are everywhere.
-- Bill Kraus, "Without Health Care Reform, Forget It", Capital Times, December 15, 1993

The case . . . opened my eyes to a problem that doesn't get half the ink lavished on unprincipled pettifoggers but is arguably twice as important.
-- Max Boot, Out of Order

Thursday, January 18, 2007


Woo hoo! The street pavement in front of my house was partially visible today!

A few colleagues stopped by my office this afternoon to visit and/or discuss work related issues. For some reason, none of them cared to venture inside and instead stood in the doorway. Wonder if it was the Cheesy Chicken Tortilla soup and sour cream and chive-flavored potato chips I had for lunch?

Today's road rage moment involved a red pickup who passed me on the right in the ENTRANCE RAMP LANE on the interstate. My bird flew adamantly.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Award Shows Season

The Golden Globes were awarded last night, kicking off Hollywood Awards season. Truth be told, I'm not much of a fan of these shows (well, except the Oscars, but only because it's the grand-daddy of them all). The incessant horn tooting gets old quickly, and when it comes to the awards for TV programs, I'm usually lost since I don't watch much "mainstream" TV.

However, I LOVE the fashion. Admittedly, I don't know shit about haute couture, but I can distinguish "fugly" from "beautiful." Also, I apparently like color, even though the Golden Globes brought out lots of white-ish dresses.

My Top Beautifuls (courtesy of MSN or Yahoo):

Angelina Jolie (even though I really, really want to wipe that tattoo off her arm)

Helen Mirren
(modesty is highly underrated)

Reese Witherspoon
(I LOVE her red shoes - so ballsy)

America Ferrera
(Aha! Something a normal woman would wear)

And of course, my Top Fuglys (courtesy of MSN or Yahoo), which all things considered (i.e. Bjork's swan dress) aren't THAT bad:

Cameron Diaz (although...speaking of swans...)

Ellen Pompeo
(a little too tan for January, and why is the "scarf" portion of her dress built-in to her ass?)

Renee Zellweger
(looks just like me wrapped in a towel after a shower)

Vanessa Williams
(where do I start?)

One other interesting note: it clearly takes a lot of fancy undergarments and double-sided, extra-sticky tape to keep everything in place. I mean, let's face it, boobs do not act like that in their natural state. That being said, what in God's name is under Ali Somebody-or-other's (I have no idea who she is) right breast? Whatever it is, it can't be comfortable.

Monday, January 15, 2007


Is there really a noticeable difference between a temperature of -5 F and -10 F? Or between -5 F and -20 F? I don't think my body can really tell a difference (e.g. the snot in my nose freezes instantly at all three temperatures), because as far as I'm concerned, IT IS COLD!!! COLD COLD COLD!

Current temperature is 3 F, but according to, it "feels like" -7 F. tells me it "feels like" a balmy -3 F. Whatever. It "feels like" it's FRIGID.

Apparently today's online weather consumer is unfamiliar with the term "wind chill."

Nonetheless, I am grateful for the roof and four walls that surround me, and for the gas and electricity that warms me.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Fun in Concordia

On my way back to Lincoln this afternoon, I stopped for gas and a potty break in Concordia, Kansas...specifically the Phillips 66 station on the south side of town. The hands dryer in the ladies room was so powerful that it actually moved my skin around on my hands! Weird.