Monday, June 29, 2009


With nothing exceptionally blogworthy going on in my life (or my inability to remember the blogworthy events), and my embarrassment with the "fat ass" post staying at the top of the blog for so long, I present you this:

C and I get one of these *almost* every morning when Callum awakes. We have convinced ourselves the child is happy to see us standing over his crib rather than some random bighead who will extract him from his swaddle blanket, wipe his butt, and feed him a bottle of yummy milk.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


Hello? Friends? Family? Interwebs? KimmyGoat here. I have a bone to pick with you.

You failed to mention postpartum ass sag.

In my quest for, ahem, transition clothing (read: it's summer and none of my shorts fit), I found myself naked in a Target dressing room.* It had multiple mirrors, and I discovered that my cheeks now hangeth over the backs of my thighs.


Yes, I am cutting myself a lot of slack in the whole body image area for the next few months. Nine months up, nine months down. BLAH BLAH BLAH. But seriously. You could have warned me.

* I know, I know...enough with the public nudity already. I'M WORKING ON IT.

Monday, June 15, 2009

KimmyGoat, Greek Goddess

I had my 6-week postpartum appointment with my OBGYN this morning. It was so weird to not pee in a cup (or, as happened more often towards the end of my pregnancy, pee on my hand while aiming in the general direction of the toilet) upon arrival. Dr. Gibbens briefly reviewed his delivery notes with me, and from what I can discern from the interwebs and my hazy memory of giving birth, I was quite fortunate to deliver an asynclitic occiput posterior (face up looking off to one side) baby via the usual route. However, despite my doctor's being quite familiar with my lady bits, I still managed to completely embarrass myself this morning.

The nurse, Tamera, handed me a sheet, and only a sheet, with the following instructions: take it all off.

This seemed a little unusual; usually they give you a hospital gown (for the top) AND the sheet (for the bottom) for the completely naked exam. However, on THIS side of pregnancy...well hell...which body parts have I not yet shown to complete strangers? I took it all off and wrapped the sheet around my nakedness. It wasn't as though a breast exam was UNexpected; it's the OBGYN's office, not the dentist's office.

When the Dr. Gibbens and Tamera returned, she exclaimed "oh, the Greek Goddess look" and quickly draped a gown around the sheet and me. Dr. Gibbens BOLTED to the counter to review my chart until I was decent. I made some stupid joke about tucking grape leaves in my hair.

There was no breast exam. Apparently, "take it all off" means "bottoms only."

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Week in Review

Some of my favorite blogs have been doing "week in review" posts from time to time, and I feel like hopping on the bandwagon this evening. Lately, the days seem to be running together, so I can't guarantee the chronological accuracy of events. A few highlights:

Lil C peed my pants. I'm over the whole "Baby with Penis Repeatedly Sprays Mother at Changing Table" excitement. This time, we were snuggling on the couch when I felt something warm on my muffintop. We both required a wardrobe change.

A walk in the park. In an effort to See! New! Trees! Lil C and I drove to a nearby park for our not-quite-daily walk. It was hot and I was hungry, so we didn't stay long.

My cute red shoes still fit! My California Redwood Cankles rank as the second-most-horrifying postpartum indignity I suffered, and I feared I'd never wear these (or for that matter, any) shoes again. Unfortunately, they don't match so well with any of my sweatpants.

Regular clothes. MEH. I spent much of today assessing my clothing situation, as I have a "mandatory" work event that I'm considering attending in a week. The maternity clothes have been packed away (with the exception of some fabulous yoga pants from Target that have been promoted to the Permanent Collection). Most of my regular summer clothes don't exactly fit. I have a few pairs of pants from my chunkier law school/bar exam days, and while I weigh the same now as I did then, the distribution of that weight has...umm...shifted. I look forward to getting the "all clear" from my OBGYN next week so I can begin a serious exercise regimen. In the meantime, I renew my appreciation for skirts!

Lil C grows! He's nearly 2 lbs heavier than his birth weight! We're looking forward to his 2-month appointment. While he's not terribly excited about the vaccination shots, I can't wait to take him out in public without fear of his contracting diphtheria! Rejoice.

Mama goes to Farmers Market. ALL BY HERSELF. She buys these fabulous pink and white peonies and experiences a very girly Martha Stewart moment whilst arranging them. Behold:

Monday, June 1, 2009

Corn on the Cob

I recently enjoyed a meal with my family featuring corn on the cob. As I looked around the table, I realized we had different corn on the cob eating methods. Five of us ate as the corn "side to side" as though it were a typewriter. One of us ate the corn "up and down" as though it were a spiral staircase lying on its side.

I am The One.

Emily Post offers no guidance; her only rule is to "eat it as neatly as possible."

How do you eat YOUR corn on the cob?