Thursday, January 27, 2011

Stinky Jar

Just heard this song on the radio this evening...and thought the chorus was referring to "collecting a jar of FARTS."

Pop music sucks. Has it always been this bad?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Three Day Weekend with Mama in Charge

With Chris preparing for an upcoming business trip and needing some quiet time at home in order to practice a seminar presentation, Callum and I spent much of the weekend out and about. Thank God for clear roads, decent weather, a classmate's birthday party, and Super Target.

I think being a full-time-stay-at-home-mom is a tough job. That's not to say I couldn't do it, I just recognize that it's hard being the entertainer-in-chief and resisting the urge to plop the child(ren) down in front of the TV. I'm sure stay-at-home-moms and their kids find a routine and a rhythm that works most of the time.

They sure as hell don't give bonuses and promotions for that, do they?

Callum attended his first birthday party at an indoor playground that included a small gym for shooting baskets, where I asked him to stop licking his balls. Yes. Out loud. CALLUM: STOP LICKING YOUR BALLS. Good news: I was referring to the two mini-basketballs he was trying to carry. Bad news: I don't know where those balls had been, but my kid licked them.

I had the privilege of changing two public poopy diapers - one at the party, the other at the library not 5 minutes after we arrived. I was so embarrassed for Callum both times, mostly because A) he stunk to high heaven, and B) his mama was not terribly discreet when attempting to discern the source of the stink.

Possible upside of a mild case of diaper rash: Callum now points at his diaper when he's poopy.

Super Target TWO DAYS IN A ROW. DOUBLE SUPER TARGET! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

It means that I am batshit crazy.

Found a decapitated rabbit on the sidewalk today. Its body was nearby in the grass. We...turned around. God only knows what other sorts of wonders of nature lurk under the blanket of snow.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Pants Pissing-ly Funny. Literally.

We had a snow day yesterday (SQUEE!). I received the following email:

From: [name changed to protect the innocent]
Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 8:28 AM
To: Kimberly
Subject: Blood Drive Canceled

The __________ 1/10/11 blood drive has been cancelled due to weather.

Please contact __________ about the reschedule date for this drive.
Thank you for your support and we are sorry for any incontinence.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Goodbye, Fatty

I weigh 155 pounds.

My BMI is 26.6, placing me solidly in the "overweight" category.

I can no longer wear some of my POST pregnancy pants.

I have not exercised regularly since graduating from high school 15 years ago.

I lost 20 pounds during one extremely stressful month several years ago.

My 2011 goal is to lose 25 pounds HEALTHFULLY by June 30.

I will maintain a food journal and will endeavor to consume approximately 1500 calories daily.

I will drink 64 ounces of water daily.

I will exercise for 30 minutes daily.

I will not drink pop.

I will not drink more than one grandenonfatnowhipmochaforKim per day.

I will win $1,526 for being the Biggest Blogging Loser.

I will publicize my goals so my people can hold me accountable.